I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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