I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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