you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
