We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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