Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
