first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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