she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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