what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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