You made me cry and you don't even care
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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