Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The power of my boobs compel you
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize