Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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