We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
