i just had sex bonerless
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You have to summon your inner elephant
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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