grandma shit on top of the toilet
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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