from now on my penis is your penis
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
