while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
