she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
