got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
