Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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