I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
