sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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