1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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