Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Come see our sink grown plant.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize