I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
