During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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