I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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