why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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