whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize