I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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