if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
