The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
