At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
