I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
