what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
