just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize