the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
