he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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