while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
