I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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