Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
