Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize