after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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