my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
