hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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