I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
