also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize