do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
