im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
