Girls should come with a carfax report
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize