oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We're too hungover to prance.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
