I can text with my tongue
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You're a waste of cheezeits
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
why is half of my head shaved?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
