I murdered the dance floor call the cops
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
