Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
