Im at strip club and am horny
...so i touched it.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
