you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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