You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
