I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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