You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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