I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
barbara walters just said penis...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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