It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
