So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I DEMAND FORESKIN
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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