last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
