Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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