dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
