pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
