I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
