I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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